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Chase me, ladies, I'm in the cavalry
Monday, May 30, 2005
 
ADVERTISING ON YOUR WEBLOG? WHY NOT GO THE WHOLE HOG AND SELL YOUR ARSE TO A SAILOR?
Advertising on weblogs apparently yields 50 cents per thousand clicks. I get 2,153 page views a day: turns out I could whore myself for 60 pence a day. Come Friday I could buy two tins of Special Brew and still have change for some Valium.

Why do people bother? I would cheerfully sell my soul for gold, but it’s a question of how much gold. It will cost you more than a carton of milk.

And how is having a PayPal box on your site different from standing at the traffic lights asking for change? I suppose Andrew Sullivan would argue that he’s providing some kind of performance in return, but that still only raises him to the level of busker. Do people really click those things and send free money? How do you know he won’t spend it on drink, or Christopher Hitchens books?

Emerald Bile, Tony Pierce, Crooked Timber, Lenin- these are sites that pass all four coolness tests:
1. No advertising.
2. No unfunny attacks on the French.
3. No sucking up to the Instapundit.
4. No pictures of stinking cats.
Like Patrick Swayze in the film Point Break, they represent the spirit of True Surf. Anyone with advertising on his site is a hooah.

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KILLER FACT!
From 1963 to 1978 English suicides by gas dropped from 2,368 to 11, and the overall suicide rate fell by a third.

More suicide statistics here.

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REVENGE OF THE "SITH"
Just saw La Venganza de los Sith. Tosh it was. Bored me to tears it did. Still, it does raise some interesting questions, such as: what the fuck is a Sith?

So there’s a republic on a moon base or whatever. In theory it’s still a democracy, but a guy called the Chancellor is amassing all the power. He controls the courts, the legislative branch; there’s no separation of powers anymore. He kind of reminded me of Hugo Chávez.

The line "Execute Order 66" was a clear reference to Chávez’ "Activate Plan Ávila". And the bungling idiots who fumble around and fail to stop his schemes were obviously based on Jimmy Carter.

Ruled by a dark lord; people launching coup attempts, making a dog’s breakfast of it, then going into exile: as a satire on contemporary Venezuela it works quite well. The evil-doers and enemies of democracy have scary names like General Grievous; Chávez calls himself "Shark Number 1" on military radio.

Everyone applauds as he tries to seize control of the galaxy.

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Saturday, May 28, 2005
 
OFF WITH THE FALSE WHISKERS
I was just over at Tim Blair’s den reading about the Australian girl who got 20 years in an Indonesian jail. And the thing that most struck me about the case is what foolish names they all have, these Australians. Schapelle? Rosleigh? Mercedes? Even by American standards these names are stupid.

Even "Tim Blair" is a bit too good to be true, if you ask me. I reckon that’s just his stage name, for that touch of glamour, zing, pizzaz; that show-biz magic. I suspect his real name is Horatio Moondog IV, or something like that.

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WE SHOULD DRAG THEM FROM THEIR HOMES AND NECKLACE THEM, SOWETO-STYLE
Kevin Drum is banging on about American publishers (print too small, apparently).

He thinks he's got problems. In Britain the grasping cheating ratbags use the cheapest possible paper, full of acid, that goes brown and falls apart after a couple of years. My book collection is in shreds; it makes me want to vomit with rage.

UK publishers are worse than animals, in my opinion. We should drag them from their homes and necklace them, Soweto-style. We should round them up like goats and slaughter them like hogs.

I get books from America whenever I can. Seriously, why don’t we boycott them? It makes me angreeee.


Update! Looking on the bright side, think of all those millions of Tony Parsons novels slowly rotting and turning to dust. "A novel about men, love and relationships... doesn't believe you get a second chance at love." You’ve gotta laugh. You’ve really gotta.

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Friday, May 27, 2005
 
DAWKINS SOUND ON FROGS, UNSOUND ON PANDAS
"Weasel frog could only have been designed by God... fossil rabbits in the Precambrian... ignorance is God’s gift to Kansas."

Man, I love that Richard Dawkins, though I note that he and his Oxford friends are still ducking my arguments about pandas. This blows a big hole in his credibility, in my opinion, and I challenge him to a debate.

He is sound on weasel frogs, however.

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KILLER FACT!
People with red hair need 20% more anaesthetic than normal people.

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Monday, May 23, 2005
 
I AM A GIANT OF MORALITY AND DIGNITY; THE REST OF YOU ARE TOADS
It wasn't widely reported, or taken seriously, but Hugo Chávez was talking about starting a nuclear program, on his TV show last Sunday. Their oil installations are always exploding and buggering up, so if you dislike Venezuelans, or people generally, this is excellent news.

He also talked about the need to grow more tomatoes; the packaging on soap- "they charge you for that"; Jesus Christ -"an anti-imperialist, fighting the Roman Empire"; cars that do 180 km/ph (no need for- artificial want created by consumerism). And he threatened to cut off diplomatic ties with the US over the Posada Carriles case. "The Americans are giants, but also giants of immorality. We are small, but giants of morality and dignity." At one point he addressed the nation while sitting on a bicycle.

Didn’t catch the whole thing. It goes on for quite a few hours, and I fancied a spot of lunch.


Anyway, I’m back in Colombia. Their president is Dullsville compared to that Venezuelan comedian, always droning on about democratic security this, democratic security that. (It’s like his catchphrase.) Colombia is currently in the middle of the biggest military offensive since the wars of Bolivar (Plan Patriota), but he makes it sound like pension reform.

Venezuela imports 86% of its tomatoes. Should Venezuela take steps to close the tomato gap?
Yes, definitely.
That would be to invite disaster.
A little bit of me says yes, a little bit of me says no, and a little bit of me just isn’t sure.
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

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Saturday, May 21, 2005
 
KILLER FACT!
China has more tourist arrivals than Italy. The top five countries for tourism are:
1. France
2. Spain
3. The US of States
4. China
5. Italy
The bottom country is presumably North Korea. When I was there one of my minders told me that they get 10,000 tourist arrivals a year from China, and 400 from the rest of the world.

And yet it's a wonderful country. If you like statues of Kim Il Sung, they've got those; and if you are into statues of Kim Jong Il, they've got those too. There is something for everyone.

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Friday, May 20, 2005
 
LIVING THE TOOTING DREAM
Killer Fact! Venezuela was one of the first countries in the world to abolish the death penalty (1863). On the other hand 400 people were murdered in Venezuelan prisons last year, more than the United States managed to execute.

I'll be away for a couple of days. But why not visit the Hungbunny, arguably one of the ten best weblogs in Tooting.

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Thursday, May 19, 2005
 
NEWS OF A KIDNAPPING
A friend just told me that her brother was held hostage for 6 months, without at any point realising that he had been kidnapped. He was six years old and they told him it was an adventure holiday in the jungle.

They picked him up outside school, and he got in a mini-bus with some other children. As soon as he got in they asked what animal he wanted to be. "A tiger". "Great. You’re the tiger -raaargh!- and this other boy, he’s the elephant..." He had enormous fun.

It wasn't until he became a teenager that he began to work out what had happened.

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Wednesday, May 18, 2005
 
LOVELY SPRING WEATHER; CIVIL WAR RAGING
Dear Readers,
Sorry I called you "bores and rednecks" the other day. And "swine". I didn’t mean it. I hope you’ll take me back. I’ve put the comments back for you. I kind of miss them.

Oh, I don’t know what I want anymore.

Soon Haloscan will have the Typekey registration thing, and we’ll be able to have a nice chat without the riff-raff sticking their noses in. In the meantime I’ve got Ball Bag to moderate. He gonna be mean. It’s his first day in the job and he’s already banned the entire population of Australia and "people with goatish beards".

Anyway, how are you? What have you been up to? Lovely spring weather, here in Colombia. Civil war raging.

Lots of love,



Harry

P.S. Please don’t write any unfunny attacks on the French or the Germans. I found that thread so depressing the other day.

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PESTERED WITH A POPINJAY
"You're a drink-soaked former-Trotskyist popinjay." (Galloway to Hitchens.)

Gotta say, I liked that one a lot. I'll be using that one myself, next time I meet a drink-soaked, etc. Been a while since I called anyone a popinjay.

He should have called him a fat tub of dung and given him a Chinese burn, while he was there, having flown all that way.

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GARDENER OF THE YEAR
El Paraíso, Colombia: There was a man, a keen gardener. Last Friday a 10 year-old boy came round and pulled up his flowers (crime in Colombia is out of control). So he beat the kid to death with a stick, to teach him a lesson.

Now obviously the kid needed straightening out, maybe even a spell in the army. But I think a fatal bludgeoning was a bit excessive.

Though I can see it must have been annoying.

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Tuesday, May 17, 2005
 
THE PLAY WAS A GREAT SUCCESS, BUT THE AUDIENCE WAS A DISASTER*
I'm afraid I'm not going to have comments anymore. They used to be very funny, but in the last couple of months we've been overrun by bores and rednecks (no offense). Most of the old gang has been driven into exile, and the pearls / swine ratio has plunged.

But these sites have comments sections that are still pretty good (no registration needed). Please to visit.

Hungbunny
Aftergrog Blog
Emerald Bile
Bogol

Politics:
Harry's Place
Lenin's Tomb
Crooked Timber
Samizdata
Shot by both sides

Other:
Magistrate’s Blog
Alicublog
Angry Bear
Bus Blog

*Oscar Wilde

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Sunday, May 15, 2005
 
DO AUSTRALIANS COUNT AS WHITES? A CORRESPONDENCE WITH THE KU KLUX KLAN

Dear Sir or Wizard,
First of all congratulations on you’re great movement, its about time that some one stood up to the communists negros and homosexuls which are running (ruining) this country. Im with you all the way. But I have a question. What is your policy on the japonese? On the one hand they are rich and never cause any bother like the rest of them, but I still don’t like them. Is it OK to buy there camras?

Praise the lord!


"KENTUCKY KNIGHT" REPLIES:
We thank you for your generous comments. In truth we believe that all races should be proud of their own kind. We simply fight for the same rights that all the (supposed) minorities are enjoying. We as expected do not feel that the white race should muddy itself with the Japanese; however we do respect there existence as a race.

In Christ,
Nathan



TO: THE KU KLUX KLAN
Thank you for your reply. You are a true Knight. I rekon your right, we can live in peace with Jap so long as he doesnt try to muddy us up none.

I hope you aint too busy, sir, because Ive got another question for you.

Do Ostralians count as whites? Some of them can speak English a bit , but dont they have there own country? When I see a decent Christian girl hanging around with Ostralians I guess I just get mad. Are they mooslims in Ostralia?

What would you do, You rekon I orta give em a warning? Scare em up a little?

Jesus is Lord!


KENTUCKY KNIGHT REPLIES:
The white race is anyone directly descended from our European ancestors. Australia was a British colony that is why there are whites on that continent. Unless the Christian girl you are talking about was dating a black aboriginese indian (also from Australia) I would say she is doing nothing wrong.

There are Muslims everywhere. We need to pass on to them the Love and compassion of Jesus Christ. Only He can set them free from their sin.

On a side note. We don't want to scare anyone. Everything we do must be within the Law of God. Take care and God bless!

Nathan

I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:
(2 Timothy 4:6-8)



TO: THE KU KLUX KLAN
Well if I cant lynch Australians, who can I lynch?

Man, what happened to the Klan? You buy foreign camras, let Australians take our women... I rekon y’all got INFILTRATED BY LIBRULS.

"The righteous shall rejoice when he sees the vengeance. He shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked."

Have a great day.


NO REPLY




From left to right: the Imperial Wizard, the Great Big Wizard and the Special Knight. The Klan is an equal-opportunities employer.

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Thursday, May 12, 2005
 
CORRESPONDENCE WITH BORIS JOHNSONS

TO: BORIS JOHNSONS MP
Britain is flabby, Johnsons. Sadistically run military institutions are needed, to whip the flabby shamblers into shape. Why has Britain declined? Junk food and not enough press-ups, that is why. Youth with testicles of steel are what we must create. Blood-thirsty killers who aren't afraid to do fifty mile route marches in the freezing drizzle with nothing to chew but string. England is crying out for such men.

I'm starting a new political party, and that is why I am writing. We could use a guy like you. We are looking to attract people disillusioned with the Tories. The modern Conservative Party is an old man wanking into a sock. You have to admit that. And look at Howard. A husk of a man, despised by all, prematurely bald from self-abuse. Is this what we fought the Falklands for? If we love our country, he must hang.

The vision we are trying to establish is a new kind of democracy, a democracy based on press-ups. We rise at five and breakfast frugally on oats while our opponents are still slumbering like hogs. Our answer to inflation, youth unemployment and the pension crisis is the same: press-ups. England expects that every man shall do his press-ups. The innocent have nothing to fear.


JOHNSONS REPLIES:
Thank you very much for your kind message.

M Crawshay-Williams
Boris Johnson's Office

PS Please spell the name correctly! (no s at end of Johnson).



TO: BORIS JOHNSONS MP
Thank you very much for your kind reply. But did you ask Mr Johnsons if he wants to join our new political party? What did he say? I could discuss it with him over the phone, if he's still not sure. When would be a good time to call?

There is no time to lose. We must strike now, while the fiend Blair is still off-balance.


JOHNSONS REPLIES:
Any chance of spelling his name correctly? It would be much appreciated.

M Crawshay-Williams
Boris Johnson's Office



TO: BORIS JOHNSONS MP

Sir Johnson plays his cards close to his chest! I respect that. He needs time to think, see which way the wind is blowing. That's understandable. But soon he'll have to come off the fence.

Just between us girls, which way do think he's leaning? Do you think he's interested? Please hint that there might be a peerage in it for him when we come to power. We're hoping to get Portillo on board, as well.

When would be a good time to discuss this with you? Could we fix an appointment for next week?


JOHNSONS REPLIES:
Thank you very much for your kind message.

M Crawshay-Williams
Boris Johnson's Office



TO: BORIS JOHNSONS MP
I'm afraid that doesn't help very much. Perhaps it would be better if I spoke to Sir Johnson in person. When he told you he wasn’t interested, it might have just been to protect against leaks. I’m not saying that you would do that.

The time has come to go straight to the big guy, the head cheese. I could pop by the House of Commons next week if that would suit him. How do I arrange security clearance?


JOHNSONS REPLIES:
Please ----- is there any chance of you getting Boris Johnson's name right???? He is not a Sir btw.

Thanks for your interest.

M Crawshay-Williams
Boris Johnson's Office



TO: BORIS JOHNSONS MP
He's not a sir? Well he should be, and it's a scandal that he isn't. Damn that Blair.

When can I call Mr Boris to discuss our proprosal?

By the way, would YOU like to join our movement? We're still looking for a candidate for Glasgow Govan, and 617 other constituencies. But you gotta be tough. The press are gonna come for us like a herd of locusts.


JOHNSONS REPLIES:
Bet they're tough.

Have you seen our website and put some comments on?

http://www.boris-johnson.com/

M Crawshay-Williams
Boris Johnson's Office



TO: BORIS JOHNSONS
It isn't websites we need: it's vision.

I think Sir Johnson is getting cold feet.


NO REPLY




Sir Johnson enjoys a refreshing snooze in the House of Commons.

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Wednesday, May 11, 2005
 
KILLER FACT!
Yesterday a Bogotá doctor was arrested for sewing cocaine into people’s legs. They would fly to Spain where his colleague would fish it out.

The world record for heroin packages inside someone’s stomach is 180.

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Tuesday, May 10, 2005
 
I'VE A GOOD MIND TO BOYCOTT THEIR GRAPEFRUIT
Killer Fact! Since Mandela was elected, in 1994, the percentage of South African farmland owned by whites has plunged from 87% to just 84%. If this trend continues, by the year 2300 whites won’t own any farmland at all in South Africa.

But whites still own plenty of farmland in Wiltshire.

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Monday, May 09, 2005
 
PIERS MORGAN, THROUGH NO FAULT OF HIS OWN, IS AN UNFUNNY TOSSER
Lotsa comments about that German ambassador’s remarks. In my opinion he was 100% right. Germany is a civilised country, basically well-disposed towards us, and the amount of ignorant abuse they get in return is embarrassing. And if you complain about it, people always pull the comedy defence. "What’s the matter? Can’t they take a joke? Bloody Germans."

There is no reason in principle why one shouldn't make fun of the sausage-eaters, or anyone else who walks upright on this oblate orange; it's just that in practice it's always so fucking unfunny when people do.

Like most of what is wrong with Britain, it is probably traceable to the influence of football. Do you remember that Daily Mirror headline, "Achtung Surrender – For You Fritz Ze Euro 96 Championship is Over!" It rarely rises above this level, yet these same Mirror writers would probably try to tell you that it is the Germans who have no sense of humour. Physician, heal thyself.

Attention, Piers Morgan! Don’t try to make jokes. You’re not qualified.

He’s been trying to be funny for a couple of decades now, so far with no success at all. Time to call it a day, and study for the church or something.

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KILLER FACT!
In Israel, Ultra-Orthodox Jews are three times as likely to jaywalk as secular Jews.

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Sunday, May 08, 2005
 
FROM TODAY’S TELEGRAPH
News: "Thomas Matussek, Berlin's ambassador to London, says Britain is still obsessed with the Nazi period of his country's history and it's time to move on."

Features:
"Fighting talk: How Churchill's speeches inspired the nation."

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Saturday, May 07, 2005
 
DULL IS GOOD; BORING IS THE NEW INTERESTING
There was a piece in the Colombian newspaper El Tiempo today praising Britain’s "tedious elections". The extreme dullness of our political process "ought to be a cause for celebration", the guy argued, because it is a consequence of "social well-being".

Colombian elections are quite exciting.

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Friday, May 06, 2005
 
KILLER FACT!
Killer Fact! Colombia is the world’s number two country for amphibians. They have 698 species, including the tree frog, the land frog, and some other frogs that I don’t remember right now. No shortage of toads either, you’ll be pleased to hear.

But Brazil is still the number 1 country for amphibians.

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Thursday, May 05, 2005
 
WASTING YOUR TIME AND MONEY
I’ve been accused of wasting the government’s time with fatuous hoaxes. The flaw in this argument is that it implies that what the government would otherwise have done with its time would have been of great value, which strikes me as prima facie unlikely.

I was just wasting everyone’s time and money in a different way from how they would themselves have wasted it, left to their own devices. In fact, the more we can tie them up with crank letters and joke phone calls, the less time they’ll have for jerking us around with their harebrained schemes.

Example: Charles Clarke is getting into a car. You shout "Aha, villain!" and pelt him with a sack of flour. The time he spends dusting his trousers is time he cannot devote to some imbecile "crackdown" or ban.

We don’t need any more stinking legislation. When I’m in charge, if parliament wants to introduce one new law, they’ll have to repeal two old ones.

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Tuesday, May 03, 2005
 
CURSING IN THE ARMED FORCES
Letter to Tom Delay (called myself Dingethorpe to throw him off the scent):
Dear Delay,
I am deepy concerned about the prevalence of cursing in the armed forces. I have met several soldiers and their language is often appalling, even the officers. It is one thing to say "Oh, d____," when one is under attack by Arabs; quite another to go around saying, "F___, f___, f___," all the time. This is the langauge of the tavern, sir, low and swinish. My son would like to join the army, but he is understandably concerned about being exposed to such brutishness.

Cursing is the sign of a limited vocabulary, and it sets a bad example to the Iraqis. What is your policy about it?

Best regards,


Reginald Dingethorpe

P.S. I am also concerned that you refer to yourself as a "whip". My wife and I are Christians, and we are not sure what to make of this.
The miserable anus didn't reply. So:
Dear Mr Delay,
I wrote to you some time ago concerncing cursing in the armed forces. I still haven't received a reply. I was planning to make a SUBSTANTIAL donation to your campaign trail, but not until I have satisfied myself that you are sound on the cursing issue. I would very much appreciate a reply.

I enclose a copy of my original letter.

Best regards,


Reginald Dingethorpe
Still nothing, and nothing from Rick Sanatorium, who turns out not to be as stupid as I thought. But I did get a reply from our own Liberal Democrats:
Dear Mr Hutton,
Thank you for your email about behaviour in the armed forces.

We feel that it is important to create a culture of opennes and fairness in the army and would implement measures to stamp out bullying, harassment and discrimination as well as undertake a comprehensive review of the presently inadequate military complaints procedures.

I hope this answers your query.

Regards

Marianne Sladowsky
Policy Officer
Liberal Democrat Policy Unit
www.libdems.org.uk
Not really, no. But thanks. Also got a letter from the Armed Forces Minister:






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Sunday, May 01, 2005
 
PRESS RELEASE BY OONA KING
Last week some RESPECT supporters, disguised as Red Indians, attacked my elderly mother as she was taking the cat for a walk in Cable Street. When she told them that she disliked like George Galloway, they shouted Heil Hitler and maced her, leaving a signed photograph of Saddam Hussein "as a warning".

This incident represents the ugly face of bully-boy political extremism, even though we made it up. Politics has no part in this campaign and must be defeated.

Message ends.



RESPECT supporters canvassing in Bethnal Green yesterday.

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TWITTER



ECONOMICS AND POLITICS

Krugman's cat

I agree with Abu Hamza- up to a point

The time I punched JK Galbraith

Who was worse: Blair or Hitler?

In Defence of John Prescott

Prescott 2



CELEBRITY NEWS

Jennifer Lopez has been shot!

Nicholas Cage is a tit

A Rolex, though ugly, will pay for itself in quim

Colombian death squads dump Kate Moss

50 Cent almost too stupid to speak

Ooh, brain hurts

Nothing fishy about monster carp says Krugman

I'm so angreeee

Ben Affleck

The Magic of Snoop

Inane Dogg

Germaine Greer's gusset


MEANINGLESS HOAXES

Correspondence with the Ku Klux Klan

Correspondence with Boris Johnsons

Ministry of Defence

Thames Valley Police

Meatloaf

British Airways- I'll show those fucks

Bank

The Polite Society

Is this a library or a bordello?

Rumsfeld

Israeli Embassy

My MP

The Scottish National Party

Garry Bushell

Letter to Gunsmith (1)

Greenspan

Richard Dawkins


TEACHING ENGLISH

Your child is an illiterate cabbage

Like a trouser, yet not a trouser

Why is life so wretched?

Stopping Hitler at Munich

The British Council- at least it's not run by a drunk

Non-academic sub-adult clowning

You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear

No sane man cares about such things

Who, whom?

Your daughter is very beautiful, but unfortunately completely stupid

The Business English racket

Keith Richards' English level

The Dunderheads shall inherit the earth

Teaching English to cretins

This is a real pain in the arse

I hate teaching English


BRITAIN

I'm sick of this country and its stupid taps

Glue sniffers

Yorkshire Yahoos

The British public are deeply stupid

The UK's most successful ethnic group

Violent Britain

The man on the Clapham omnibus is a cretin

How much do you give a ponce?

Reflections on the British drunk

This septic isle

Thoughts on muggers

Do you want a punch in the mouth?

How many divisions has Eddie Izzard?

Most of the world’s problems still caused by Britain

This country's really gone to hell since we stopped burning papists

Many of my best friends are bishops

Britain's Unfunniest Comedian

Reading, Berkshire, is a dog hole

Please go away


COLOMBIA

Shut your cake hole, you lunatic

I don't care about human rights that much

Why I don't take drugs

Someone is getting mugged

I am a victim of crime

That which does not kill you almost kills you

I don't know how much more I can take

Colombian girl santas

The hippos of Pablo Escobar


VENEZUELA

Dancing on the deck of the Titanic

You toucha my pies, I shoota you head

The pros and cons of domestic violence

Life? Don't talk to me about life

The evil Castro cured my cough

Breast implants out of control

Venezuelan crude is heavy and sour, like the women in High Wycombe

One of those parties that got out of hand

Do you believe everything The Economist tells you?

Don King has lots of good ideas

Chavezfest (1)

Chavezfest (2)


BLOGGERS

The Instapundit: a master of the bore's craft

Pie attacks on Professor Krugman

Hooahs!

The Andrew Sullivan Hoax

Eminem, Bin Laden, Tim Blair, etc.

If you don't clear off, I'll set the dogs on you

Malkins and Hinderaker: not for an age, but for all time

Instapundit failing the boring man in a pub test

The fearless Huffington

Sourpuss Malkin

Book!


THE GREAT BIG WAR AGAINST TERROR

How to say "Death to America!" in Arabic

How to say "Death to America!" in Farsi

If you stick your dick in a bees' nest you'll get stung

I am opposed to the hacking off of heads

Iraq- it's all a matter of perspective

Top ten warmongers

Islamic Banking

Knob heads

Bush pursues terrorist beyond the grave

Another atrocity


NORTH KOREA

Kim Jong Il wouldn't do that- it's irrational

Addio Amore, Addio Razza

If London is still standing in 2020, I'll eat my hat

Kim Il Sung's birthday!

Billy Graham in North Korea

North Korea job offer

The time I saw a woman get savaged by a bear


SPORTS JOURNALISM

People who like football should be put in boxes and bulldozed into the sea

Please hit our fans with clubs

Baseball is idiotic

I love Brazilian Ultimate Fighting

World Cup diary


PALESTINE

Where to buy beer in Gaza

The time I worked as a film censor in the Gaza Strip

Someone threw a bomb in our garden

It is high time Mr Arafat made up his mind if he is going to live or die

Israel / Palestine- the problem of two men in one trousers

Israel's wall

Meet the Arafats


AUSTRALIA

Is it wrong to execute Australians?

Anzac day

Twisted gonads

Australians vs. camels

Off with the false whiskers

The Australian Broadcasting Corporation


LITERATURE

Your severed foot would look good on my coffee table

Condi 2008, a love poem

It doesn't seem to make sense

Fisking the poet Keats


STUDENT WORK

Gaza

Brazil

Venezuela

Italy

Hong Kong

When you sleep on the "cheap" bed, you will feel it is too bad



TRAVEL

Christ were those peasants ugly

Machete man asks me for money

Tips for visiting prisoners

Trip to the Orinoco


TODD MATHERS

Personal injury lawyer

President Ahmajinadad


MISC

Live-blogging the plane crash

Prison survival tips

Suicide statistics

Survey: Britons marginally less unpopular than the French

David Irving

Arab Americans

If you like rock music you must be stupid

Quality of life index

A pogrom of quails

Krugman in Bogota

People now idiots- TV to blame

Goldman Sachs makes billions shorting Goldman Sachs stock

Rum

The Amis brothers

Haiku on another wasted year


BARRY HUTTON'S POSTS

The illusion of plenty

Diets


KILLER FACTS!

Killer Fact! (Brazil)

Killer Fact! (Quality of life index)

Killer Fact! (Canada)

Killer Fact! (New York Times)

Killer Fact! (Paraguay)

Killer Fact! (Häagen-Dazs)

Killer Fact! (Napoleon)

Killer Fact! (Brixton)

Killer Fact! (Switzerland)

Killer Fact! (Pakistan)

Killer Fact! (Shenzhen)

Killer Fact! (Brazil 2)

Killer Fact! (Colombia)

Killer Fact! (France)

Killer Fact! (British National Party)

Killer Fact! (Brazil, World Cup)

Killer Fact! (Vietnam)

Killer Fact! (Shenzhen)

Killer Fact! (Ivory Coast)

Killer Fact! (Sweden)

Killer Fact! (Vegans)

Killer Fact! (Lenin, Trotsky, Stalin, Engels)

Killer Fact! (Casanova)

Killer Fact! (James Bond)

Killer Fact! (Iraq / foxhunting)

Killer Fact! (Drug abuse in Iran)

Killer Fact! (Murder rates)

Killer Fact! (Strangling)

Killer Fact! (Buglaries)

Killer Fact! (Switzerland 2)

Killer Fact! (Saddam Hussein / New York Times)

Killer Fact! (Evian)

Killer Fact! (Suicide bombers)

Killer Fact! (Bollywood)

Killer Fact! (Australian women)

Killer Fact! (Costa Rica)

Killer Fact! (Cocaine mark-ups)

Killer Fact! (Jesuits)

Killer Fact! (Iceland)

Killer Fact! (Nobel Prizes by nationality)

Killer Fact! (King Shaka of the Zulus)

Killer Fact! (North Korea)

Killer Fact! (Red Heads)

Killer Fact! (Death row)

Killer Fact! (Japan)

Killer Fact! (Thailand)

Killer Fact! (highest-grossing film in history)

Killer Fact! (Churchill's mother)

Killer Fact! (Fastest growing economies)

Killer Fact! (First English sentence)

Killer Fact! (Wodehouse, Raymond Chandler)

Killer Fact! (Swiss Civil War)

Killer Fact! (Alcohol consumption)

Killer Fact! (Anglo-French Wars)

Killer Fact! (Price of barrels)

Killer Fact! (Iraqi Jews)

Killer Fact! (Top ten warmongers)

Killer Fact! (Karl Marx' uncle)

Killer Fact! (India)

Killer Fact! (Yuletide murders)

Killer Fact! (Tories)

Killer Fact! (Frogs)

Killer Fact! (Romeo and Juliet)

Killer Fact! (New York Times / Saddam Hussein)

Killer Fact! (The Evil Castro)

(More Killer Facts and other things in the archives.)



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