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Chase me, ladies, I'm in the cavalry
Friday, June 29, 2007
 
KILLER FACT!
A gram of cocaine in New Zealand costs $714 US, equivalent to 20.4 anvils.

World Cocaine Prices In Anvils

New Zealand- 20.4
Australia- 7.1
United States- 3.1
Italy- 3.1
Hong Kong- 2.7
Britain- 2.6
Ireland- 2.5
Brazil- 0.34
Argentina- 0.17
Colombia- 0.06

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Monday, June 25, 2007
 
NEWS ROUNDUP
A departing Blair frees 25 thousand villains, crisis in the Middle East, pillow fight in the Big Brother house, and Krugman goes to Sicily on a cycling holiday.

I’m not going to provide links anymore. My good name should suffice.


Horoscopes:

Capricorn- You are summoned to see the Minister. Your article in the Orlando Sentinel has gravely wounded the feelings of the Chinese people.

Virgo- The tedium finally becomes unbearable.

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Friday, June 22, 2007
 
THE ORDER OF THE FAT DICKHEAD
"Iran has stepped up its protest over the knighthood awarded by Britain to Salman Rushdie... Britain denied that the award was intended to insult Islam."

It was an insult all right- to Rushdie. Maybe this nonsense still impresses foreigners, but to the British "knight" simply means "famous dickhead in his fifties" or "fat crook who donates to the Labour Party".

Sir Cliff Richard, Sir Jimmy Saville, Sir Elton John, Sir Bono... I could go on. Giving one to someone with talent and brains, rather than yet another ignorant blatherskite of the Ian Botham type, is most unusual, even if it wasn’t a deliberate slight.
"Everybody has a summer holiday.
Doin' things they always wanted to.
So we're goin' on a summer holiday
To make our dreams come true..."
It seems to me that if you award knighthoods for that sort of thing, the bar has been set pretty low. Unless you want to try to argue that Sir Cliff embodies the knightly virtues of wysedom, verite, humylite and swiftness.

The country has been going to the dogs for as long as I can remember. But sometime between the Cliff Richard knighthood and Prescott’s promotion to Deputy Prime Minister, I think we can say that we finally arrived at the dogs. And here we all are, at the dogs.

If you seek the dogs, look around you.

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Tuesday, June 19, 2007
 
ESSENTIAL HOLIDAY PHRASES

At the beach:
“J'ai un paquet charmant de noix de coco.”
I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts. (To a Frenchman)

“Ci bisogna il permesso del barone per scoppare.”
You need the Baron’s permission to fuck. (Italian)


At the hotel:
"Deine Katze ist ein moralischer Idiot"
Your cat is a moral idiot (German)

위대한 당의 령도밑에 조국의 존엄과 위력이 힘있게 떨쳐지고 사회주의강성대국건설을 위한 선군혁명총진군이 힘있게
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. Let’s mutilate US imperialism. (Korean)

“Vienen unos osos. ¡Que mamera!”
Some bears are coming. What a pain in the arse! (Spanish)

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Friday, June 15, 2007
 
This is –I do not say this lightly- the biggest retard I have ever seen on YouTube.


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Tuesday, June 12, 2007
 
THE PEACH STATE TALIBAN
Oral news- That kid who was sentenced to ten years in jail for a blowjob had his sentence overturned. Wisdom and common sense prevailed for 90 minutes or so, but were quickly stamped on, and the state is appealing the decision. He has already been in jail for more than two years, but they feel this is unduly lenient for the crime of getting one’s weasel greased in the State of Georgia, and are trying to make him serve the full decade.

I am not a lawyer -nor am I an authority on chugging cock- and it is possible that I have overlooked something. Is there more to this case than meets the eye, or are these people really as deranged as they appear to be?

The Iraq War; the existence of God; should you put the milk in first: these are all things about which reasonable people might disagree. But you simply cannot have a discussion with someone who believes that imprisoning someone for ten years is a suitable response to a teenager getting a blowjob.

The main difference between Britain and the US, it seems to me, is that the former is run by incompetents, whereas the latter is run by madmen and sadists.


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Saturday, June 09, 2007
 
KISS MY SWINGERS
Barclays Bank can kiss my swingers.

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Thursday, June 07, 2007
 
THE PARIS HILTON PRISON DIARIES
"DAY 1: Arrived late Sunday night. Asked if I could check into my room immediately. Quite possibly the rudest concierge I have ever met. I told him he was fired..."

(Via Tim Blair)

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Saturday, June 02, 2007
 
MY PALESTINIAN TAXI HELL
Just got an email saying, “Amazon.com recommends the ethnic cleansing of Palestine.”

If you look around the world, you’ll find that there’s a strong negative correlation between the amount of ethnic cleansing and the amount of taxi cleansing. Every time you put the seatbelt on in a Gaza taxi you get a diagonal stripe of crud across your front.

And a dirty shirt is a discourtesy to others.

Their taxis work like buses, so you share them with other people. One day I was on my way to work when this young toad –one of our students, in fact- emptied a slush drink into my lap. His mother was all, “I’m sorry my son spilt slush drink on sir's expensive trousers.” But he didn’t spill it, the little bastard poured it. I really wanted to punch his fat fucking face.

I don't know how Fisk has coped with it all, these 30 years. He's got some nice suits. It's a miracle he's still sane.



Another suit ruined.

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