<$BlogRSDURL$>
Chase me, ladies, I'm in the cavalry
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
 
HAIKU
Do not whinge about
Signal failures at Balham.
Turn puce with fury.

|

Sunday, April 19, 2009
 
NORMAN CONQUEST DENIERS
Tim Worstall is banging on about something called the “Anti-Gallican League.”
“Dedicated to such absurd ideas as keeping French products, French dancing masters, French garlic and French “frickasees” out of a proper plain beef-eating nation...”
There used to be a movement called Saxonism which wanted to turn English back to a Germanic language. The tiresome sods wanted everyone to say “sunprint” instead of “photograph”; “tonewright” for “composer”; “birdlore” for “ornithology”; “bendsome” instead of “flexible”.

But there is no Saxon word for vol-au-vent and the movement collapsed in ignominy. And you have to admit that French phrases have a certain I-don’t-know-what. Saxonism got nowhere.

|

Saturday, April 18, 2009
 

The I-R.A.S.C is simple, consisting of a circle of infra-red LEDs mounted on a headband. The infra red will cause CCTV cameras to flare out over the face of the wearer...
Gonna order one of these. You can make your head look like a burning ball of magnesium when you are waiting for the train.

Meanwhile, high above, Blair is circling the earth in his space rocket. He bangs his little fists on the monitors and howls with impotent rage when he realises you have defeated him.

|

Wednesday, April 15, 2009
 
.
Fritzl, who turned 74 on Thursday, has been pestering the family he had with his wife Rosemarie to visit him behind bars so he can "reconcile" with them.
Some of the stuff said about Fritzl recently would be considered highly offensive if you said it about the Irish.

The Irish lock their daughters in underground cellars and rape them. The Irish hide their evil old faces behind blue folders.

If I said stuff like I’d probably be arrested under the Nanny State’s bonkers Racial and Religious Hatred Act, which makes it illegal to murder people for their religious beliefs.

But wait a minute! What are the police arresting me for? I’m not the one who raped his daughter. I’m not even Irish! Why aren’t they out there on the streets, trying to catch Fritzl?

The world’s gone mad.

|

Monday, April 06, 2009
 
THIS COUNTRY HAS REALLY GONE TO THE DOGS SINCE JADE GOODY DIED
Yesterday was the last day you could use the internet without the stinking government spying on you. In future I shall check my emails in a series of internet cafés, wearing a Mexican sombrero and dark glasses.

London is the most hellish place I have ever visited. Last time I counted there were five CCTV cameras pointed directly at my front door. These days you would need to be mad –literally insane- to travel on the Underground without a Mexican sombrero.

“Please report any suspicious behaviour to a member of staff.” Whenever I see one of their members of staff I take him to one side and whisper that some fucker keeps filming me. And you have to admit that’s suspicious.

Now when I travel I buy a ticket with my credit card then I pay cash for another ticket heading in the opposite direction. Last weekend, for example, I wanted to visit my old Mum in Norfolk, but I didn’t want the government to know that. So I bought a ticket to Scotland, sending the police haring off in the wrong direction, while I concealed myself in Tie Rack. Then, when the coast was clear, I boarded the Norfolk train wearing a false beard.

And the beauty of the scheme is that my mother doesn’t even live in Norfolk. It was somebody else’s mother! I am outwitting them at every turn.

|




TWITTER



ECONOMICS AND POLITICS

Krugman's cat

I agree with Abu Hamza- up to a point

The time I punched JK Galbraith

Who was worse: Blair or Hitler?

In Defence of John Prescott

Prescott 2



CELEBRITY NEWS

Jennifer Lopez has been shot!

Nicholas Cage is a tit

A Rolex, though ugly, will pay for itself in quim

Colombian death squads dump Kate Moss

50 Cent almost too stupid to speak

Ooh, brain hurts

Nothing fishy about monster carp says Krugman

I'm so angreeee

Ben Affleck

The Magic of Snoop

Inane Dogg

Germaine Greer's gusset


MEANINGLESS HOAXES

Correspondence with the Ku Klux Klan

Correspondence with Boris Johnsons

Ministry of Defence

Thames Valley Police

Meatloaf

British Airways- I'll show those fucks

Bank

The Polite Society

Is this a library or a bordello?

Rumsfeld

Israeli Embassy

My MP

The Scottish National Party

Garry Bushell

Letter to Gunsmith (1)

Greenspan

Richard Dawkins


TEACHING ENGLISH

Your child is an illiterate cabbage

Like a trouser, yet not a trouser

Why is life so wretched?

Stopping Hitler at Munich

The British Council- at least it's not run by a drunk

Non-academic sub-adult clowning

You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear

No sane man cares about such things

Who, whom?

Your daughter is very beautiful, but unfortunately completely stupid

The Business English racket

Keith Richards' English level

The Dunderheads shall inherit the earth

Teaching English to cretins

This is a real pain in the arse

I hate teaching English


BRITAIN

I'm sick of this country and its stupid taps

Glue sniffers

Yorkshire Yahoos

The British public are deeply stupid

The UK's most successful ethnic group

Violent Britain

The man on the Clapham omnibus is a cretin

How much do you give a ponce?

Reflections on the British drunk

This septic isle

Thoughts on muggers

Do you want a punch in the mouth?

How many divisions has Eddie Izzard?

Most of the world’s problems still caused by Britain

This country's really gone to hell since we stopped burning papists

Many of my best friends are bishops

Britain's Unfunniest Comedian

Reading, Berkshire, is a dog hole

Please go away


COLOMBIA

Shut your cake hole, you lunatic

I don't care about human rights that much

Why I don't take drugs

Someone is getting mugged

I am a victim of crime

Robbie Williams to blame for Colombian Civil War

That which does not kill you almost kills you

I don't know how much more I can take

Colombian girl santas

The hippos of Pablo Escobar


VENEZUELA

Dancing on the deck of the Titanic

You toucha my pies, I shoota you head

The pros and cons of domestic violence

Life? Don't talk to me about life

The evil Castro cured my cough

Breast implants out of control

Venezuelan crude is heavy and sour, like the women in High Wycombe

One of those parties that got out of hand

Do you believe everything The Economist tells you?

Don King has lots of good ideas

Chavezfest (1)

Chavezfest (2)


BLOGGERS

The Instapundit: a master of the bore's craft

Pie attacks on Professor Krugman

Hooahs!

The Andrew Sullivan Hoax

Eminem, Bin Laden, Tim Blair, etc.

If you don't clear off, I'll set the dogs on you

Malkins and Hinderaker: not for an age, but for all time

Instapundit failing the boring man in a pub test

The fearless Huffington

Sourpuss Malkin

Book!


THE GREAT BIG WAR AGAINST TERROR

How to say "Death to America!" in Arabic

How to say "Death to America!" in Farsi

If you stick your dick in a bees' nest you'll get stung

I am opposed to the hacking off of heads

Iraq- it's all a matter of perspective

Top ten warmongers

Islamic Banking

Knob heads

Bush pursues terrorist beyond the grave

Another atrocity


NORTH KOREA

Kim Jong Il wouldn't do that- it's irrational

Addio Amore, Addio Razza

If London is still standing in 2020, I'll eat my hat

Kim Il Sung's birthday!

Billy Graham in North Korea

North Korea job offer

The time I saw a woman get savaged by a bear


SPORTS JOURNALISM

People who like football should be put in boxes and bulldozed into the sea

Please hit our fans with clubs

Baseball is idiotic

I love Brazilian Ultimate Fighting

World Cup diary


PALESTINE

Where to buy beer in Gaza

The time I worked as a film censor in the Gaza Strip

Someone threw a bomb in our garden

It is high time Mr Arafat made up his mind if he is going to live or die

Israel / Palestine- the problem of two men in one trousers

Israel's wall

Meet the Arafats


AUSTRALIA

Is it wrong to execute Australians?

Anzac day

Twisted gonads

Australians vs. camels

Off with the false whiskers

The Australian Broadcasting Corporation


LITERATURE

Your severed foot would look good on my coffee table

Condi 2008, a love poem

It doesn't seem to make sense

Fisking the poet Keats


STUDENT WORK

Gaza

Brazil

Venezuela

Italy

Hong Kong

When you sleep on the "cheap" bed, you will feel it is too bad



TRAVEL

Christ were those peasants ugly

Machete man asks me for money

Tips for visiting prisoners

Trip to the Orinoco


TODD MATHERS

Personal injury lawyer

President Ahmajinadad


MISC

Live-blogging the plane crash

Prison survival tips

Suicide statistics

Survey: Britons marginally less unpopular than the French

David Irving

Arab Americans

If you like rock music you must be stupid

Quality of life index

A pogrom of quails

Krugman in Bogota

People now idiots- TV to blame

Goldman Sachs makes billions shorting Goldman Sachs stock

Rum

The Amis brothers

Haiku on another wasted year


BARRY HUTTON'S POSTS

The illusion of plenty

Diets


KILLER FACTS!

Killer Fact! (Brazil)

Killer Fact! (Quality of life index)

Killer Fact! (Canada)

Killer Fact! (New York Times)

Killer Fact! (Paraguay)

Killer Fact! (Häagen-Dazs)

Killer Fact! (Napoleon)

Killer Fact! (Brixton)

Killer Fact! (Switzerland)

Killer Fact! (Pakistan)

Killer Fact! (Shenzhen)

Killer Fact! (Brazil 2)

Killer Fact! (Colombia)

Killer Fact! (France)

Killer Fact! (British National Party)

Killer Fact! (Brazil, World Cup)

Killer Fact! (Vietnam)

Killer Fact! (Shenzhen)

Killer Fact! (Ivory Coast)

Killer Fact! (Sweden)

Killer Fact! (Vegans)

Killer Fact! (Lenin, Trotsky, Stalin, Engels)

Killer Fact! (Casanova)

Killer Fact! (James Bond)

Killer Fact! (Iraq / foxhunting)

Killer Fact! (Drug abuse in Iran)

Killer Fact! (Murder rates)

Killer Fact! (Strangling)

Killer Fact! (Buglaries)

Killer Fact! (Switzerland 2)

Killer Fact! (Saddam Hussein / New York Times)

Killer Fact! (Evian)

Killer Fact! (Suicide bombers)

Killer Fact! (Bollywood)

Killer Fact! (Australian women)

Killer Fact! (Costa Rica)

Killer Fact! (Cocaine mark-ups)

Killer Fact! (Jesuits)

Killer Fact! (Iceland)

Killer Fact! (Nobel Prizes by nationality)

Killer Fact! (King Shaka of the Zulus)

Killer Fact! (North Korea)

Killer Fact! (Red Heads)

Killer Fact! (Death row)

Killer Fact! (Japan)

Killer Fact! (Thailand)

Killer Fact! (highest-grossing film in history)

Killer Fact! (Churchill's mother)

Killer Fact! (Fastest growing economies)

Killer Fact! (First English sentence)

Killer Fact! (Wodehouse, Raymond Chandler)

Killer Fact! (Swiss Civil War)

Killer Fact! (Alcohol consumption)

Killer Fact! (Anglo-French Wars)

Killer Fact! (Price of barrels)

Killer Fact! (Iraqi Jews)

Killer Fact! (Top ten warmongers)

Killer Fact! (Karl Marx' uncle)

Killer Fact! (India)

Killer Fact! (Yuletide murders)

Killer Fact! (Tories)

Killer Fact! (Frogs)

Killer Fact! (Romeo and Juliet)

Killer Fact! (New York Times / Saddam Hussein)

Killer Fact! (The Evil Castro)

(More Killer Facts and other things in the archives.)



Blogger profile

Normblog profile

Don't Date Him Girl.com

Home video Twitter page




LINKS
NO2ID
Fitwatch
The Queen

NOT SUITABLE FOR MINERS
Emerald Bile
Hung Bunny
Old Holborn




The Magistrate's Blog



THE BIG LYCHEE
Batgung
Flagrant Harbour
Fumier
Glory, Glory Tottenham Hotsblog
Hemlock's Diary
Nude king
Ordinary Gweilo
Pigdogfucker
Seelai
Simonworld
Give me spirit fingers
The Shaky Kaiser


LAND OF THE DINGO
Tim Blair
Bastards Inc
The Love Quote
Tony T
Will Type for Food


MUD ISLAND
Ambulance driver's blog
Aunty Marianne
Virtual Stoa
Eric the Unread
Apostate Windbag
Backward Dave
Blood and Treasure
Brian Appleyard
Brian Micklethwait
Bristling Badger
British Bulldog
Chicken yoghurt
The man on the Clapham omnibus
Copper's Blog
Crooked Timber
The curmudgeon
Ian Dale
Deleted by tomorrow
Devil's Kitchen
Disappointed of West Egg
Doctor Vee
Drink soaked Trostykist popinjays for war
Dsquared
Eskimo
Fat Sparrow
A Fistful of Euros
Flying Rodent
Frank Chalk
Freedom and Whisky
Guest speaker's and writer's corner
Guido Fawkes
Hak Mao
Harry's Place
Horse's Ass Pub
Inspector Gadget
Jah Jah Dub
Japing Ape
Jomama
Jonny Billericay
JuliusB
Konichiwa Bitches
It's a dog's life
Laban the Tall
A Londoner's Life
Manuel Estimulo
My boyfriend is a twat
Natalie Solent
Nick Barlow
Normblog
Patrick Crozier
Pooter Geek
Pub philosopher
Samizdata
Scary Duck
Shuggy
Streams of Consciousness
Squander Two
Tampon Teabag
Thin Blue Line
This is this
Tim Worstall
Twenty Major
Where's the Kaboom?

REVOLTED COLONIES
Alicublog
Angua
Aunt Jemima
Bete du jour
Blair Necessities
Bogol
Demokat
Firedoglake
Jessica Coen
MaxSpeak
Publius Pundit
The People's Republic of Seabrook
Spacestation Shuttle Blog
Tony Pierce
Vice Squad
Zembla

SEAL-CLUBBING DOMINION
Eroticalee (Achtung! Not worksafe.)

LIVING THE VENEZUELAN DREAM
Caracas Chronicles
The Devil's Excrement
vcrisis
Alfredo Octavio
Venezuela News and Views
Oil Wars
Borev
Colombia Reports


HUGUENOTS
Brad Delong
Kim Du Toit




WE DON'T NEED NO STINKING BADGES. JOIN THE NO2ID CAMPAIGN
NO2ID Donor











©Not copyright. Take anything you like, I couldn't give a toss.